That dream, again. It has been a lot, but now I deamed of her again. I don't know how to deal with this presence in my deamscape. I don't ever remember the first time I saw those eyes, blu as the sky over the desert. I don't' know much more, just the eyes, those eyes... I could kill for them, I could die for them. I could live for them.

But it's just a dream, and I can only hold on and wait. Maybe, one day, I will meet those eyes somewhere, I'll recognise them and fall for them, for a real person, not just a caracter in my deams

It's strange. I have never seen so many danws in a row as in these days, for my work. And be on duty all the night it's hard. It's cold outside, luckily it haven't snowed in a while. It's cold also inside, the dark and the silence make you think, sometimes you end up thinking too much. After a while you start feeling alone, always, also when you eat with the others, or meet another one during the rounds.

I feel alone. I miss someone waiting for me at home. I miss a real home. And the thought of the people I loved and I lost it's hard to bear, now more than ever.

I'm thinking what I can do once my job here will end. For sure I'll go back to my village, but then? what can I do for this lonlyness? just live with it? I'd like to marry a nice woman, have a normal life, an house, maybe some children... But still the order is calling me, and it's hard to find the right way...