A gift

Once I met a wizard. He had the great power to heal people. Not the wounds of the flesh, but wounds of the soul. He had the power to show to others the Way. He was a wise man too and he seemed to know always what was going on, what was the right thing to say and to do. I guess he was a seer too.

He was old when we met, and was giving all his gifts away. Feeling the end close, he didn't want to waste them. I wasn't a wizard, just a kid at that time, but he trusted me and blessed me. And since then I was able the ease the pain of a lot of people, to show them their own way without knowing it myself. I still remember the first time that happened, the joy for the enlightenment that sudenly fall on that girl. But it lasted just a moment, then it was just pain.

With a great power come great responsabilites, great gifts are never completely for free. And so it was. I was too weak and inexperienced to control my gift, so it was the one controlling me, tearing apart peaces of my hart every time. Every time someone found the Path, I found myself a bit further from it. And one day I was lost, and with the Way I lost the gift too.

It took a lot of effort to find the way back home, but eventually I managed. Meanwhile I embraced the Order and at the beginning it helped to ease my pain. And then my gift was back, but different, weaker. And now I can still feel the other's pain stronger as if it was mine, but I fail most of the time to ease it, to do the right thing, to show the right path. It's nothing I can control yet, it just happens when I don't expect it, when I don't want it.

With the time I learned that the first step is always knowlege and compassion, then love will arrive. And then, sometimes I really want it to happen, but my will is useless, I can't do anything but powerless watch the other's suffering. And this is killing me again, feel the pain without the reward to see the healing