The lens

Far away. Far from my life, from my people, far from my house. Far from home? I'm not sure, still I'm not able to settle down somewhere.

They say that when you are far from something, you gain a new perspective and you can see with more clarity, as through a lens. What I'm seeing now? Just that this is not my place, but at the same time it's really close to it. I like to be here, in the wilderness, living in a cell that could easily become my room forever.

Probably it is just easier for me to have all the people I love far away. Keep them at distance so they can't hurt by leaving as much as by staying. Keeping them away so I can live my relationship just in my mind. In the past this was the only way to survive, but now? is it still this the reality of my life, my weakness and my strenght?

Nobody wants to be completely alone, so what am I doing in pushing away everybody who comes too close? If I could be far away from myself, perhaps I would understand my behaviour.